Tea-tinis, Pear-y Merry Martinis, and Festive Cheese Chips

Before: So, this week was tequila week. Mostly because we already had some tequila. Not a lot of prep work for these. I am trying to get some of the weirder drinks over with and the tea-tini is definitely weird. It has mixed berry flavored sparkling water which I had no idea even existed, but apparently there is a need for it somewhere. And all of it has fake sugar. Which is gross. But I am dedicated to the Sandra Lee vision, so fake sugary flavored sparkling water it is. Oh, and I pureed some pears, but that was easy and did not involve any fake sugar.

We started the night with the pear martini. It involved pear puree and tequila, which isn't nearly as weird as it sounds. Sandra obviously didn't take the 500% humidity levels in Houston when she came up with the sugared rim. It turned into a liquefied sticky mess. Other than that, though, it really wasn't that bad. It's not too sweet or too fruity.  Kinda boozy. Kinda like a margarita but with pear bits floating around.

Of the four drinks we've had so far, the pear martini is the best. I'm not going to start making these every weekend, but I would drink one again. No one hated them. No one loved them. The after drink reactions:

• It's OK. It's like the Oklahoma of mixed drinks.
• I like it and might order it. It's enjoyable.
• I can't decide if it is better or worse with the sugared rim. 
• It's so sticky. I need to wash my hands now.
• It would be better with pineapple juice. 

Sandra pairs the pear martini with festive cheese chips.  Which actually makes sense. Pear and blue cheese is an awesome combination.

Let me tell you, cheese sauce on kettle chips is not bad at all. I didn't even change the recipe that much. I used unsalted Zapp's chips because Zapp's makes some damn fine chips. (I could eat an entire bag of Voodoo Gumbo right now.) Sandra calls for something called Aunt Penny's white sauce in a jar which I assume is alfredo sauce. Instead of buying whatever Aunt Penny's white sauce is, I melted some butter in some cream because you can never ever go wrong with butter and cream. I also added some leftover gruyere and some blue cheese. I could have eaten that melted creamy cheesy goodness by itself, but I drizzled it over the hot chips and them sprinkled more blue cheese over the chips. It was so good. Go Sandra!

The tea-tinis wrapped up the drinks. If you are wondering why there needs to be a drink that combines green tea with tequila, sparkling water, and floating bits of fruit and mint - well, keep wondering. Although the tea-tini doesn't look that bad it smells that bad. Reactions were split between it being barely drinkable and outright disgust. And one of the guys on the barely drinkable side can't smell so his opinion doesn't count as much. Really this drink smelled horrible - like fruity boozy feet. Ugh. And the fake sugar in the mixed berry sparkling water gives it a truly awful aftertaste. We were forced to drink wine just to get rid of the aftertaste and bad memories of this drink.

If, for some strange reason, you just have to combine tea and tequila, I would not add the flavored sparkling water. It is really really gross. There is already fruit in the drink, the flavored sparkling water just makes it funky. Plain sparkling water would be just fine. The after drink reactions:

• Oh my god, it smells so bad!
• There are so many things floating in it that my teeth have to be a strainer.
• Who the fuck comes up with this stupid crap?
• If we were trying to drink things that are good, we wouldn't be doing this.
• This is only better than the buttercream martini because it is not turning into sour milk in my stomach.
• I didn't hate this, but I'm glad I never have to drink it again.
• At least it doesn't have sprinkles.

I am not sure what made Sandra think this drink was a good idea. I suspect these were the only things in her house and she mixed them all together. Or it was a dare. I don't know. I'm just glad it is over with.